The need for friendship as a carer

I am a sandwich parent, at one end caring for my children in the midst of 'A' level and uni exam angst and at the other caring for my 93 year old mother who has just had a spell in hospital.

It's been a tough and stressful few weeks, with discussions about care packages, perching stools, prescriptions and all encompassing discussions with my sisters about the best way forward.

I have been torn between caring for my mother or giving my daughter emotional support and lots of healthy brain food. 

I've had plenty of times over the last few weeks when I have been screaming for a break and some time out.  And this is where my friends have stepped in.  Last week I turned up on my friend's doorstep in tears, the worry and lack of sleep overwhelming me.  An hour later I was in control again, after a glass of red wine and a long chat to get things off my chest.

Another time a friend turned up unexpectedly, flowers in hand to whisk me off for a cappuccino.

Friends are an important outlet for a carer, offering a more objective perspective, a different viewpoint, a bit of light relief and fun.  As a carer you need support, encouragement and alternative things to do to give you a break from caring.  A coffee, a country walk, a trip to the cinema, or a meal out  helps to get things in perspective and to be a better carer. 

You may feel that there is no way that you can leave the person you care for, but don't battle on your own.  There is help out there in the form of caring agencies who can help you organise extra help at home, enabling you to find time for yourself to give you those much needed breaks.   Caring agencies or other family members can help you to get your life back in order to make caring manageable again.

As far as friendships go,  I have often heard it said that friendships for carers diminish as the carer becomes more isolated.  When you feel tired, stressed and worn out it is easy to lose confidence and contact with the outside world.

But a good friend is happy to hear from you.  Be brave and pick up the phone...  and if you feel that you would like to develop new friendships, join togetherfriends.  We are here to help.